


Kanbaru & Karen's phone call

by AliceOmelette



Category: Bakemonogatari
Genre: Anxiety, Awkward Crush, Basketball, Bisexual Female Character, Boredom, Canon Lesbian Character, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, Emotional Baggage, F/F, Financial Issues, First Dates, Food, Gaydar, Jealousy, Karate, POV Lesbian Character, Phone Calls & Telephones, Police, Public Nudity, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Siblings, Soft Drinks, Speculation, Swearing, Trust, Verbal Abuse, Yuri, doughnuts, post-Hanamonogatari
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 09:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18313055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceOmelette/pseuds/AliceOmelette
Summary: Kanbaru gets a phone call from Karen and they talk about stuff





	Kanbaru & Karen's phone call

My day had been dull so far. Since Araragi-senpai had left town for university things had mostly gotten quiet. Well, there was that whole incident with my old rival, “Sir Devil” Numachi Rouka; but since then there hadn’t been much of interest in my life.

There hadn’t even been any decent BL novels released in at least a fortnight.

Ridiculous, what do these publishers even think they’re doing?

Anyway, on this most uninteresting of Sunday afternoons I was far more pleased than I usually would be to hear my phone start to ring.

Well really it just buzzed, since as all sensible people do I keep my phone on silent, unlike some people who disturb the entire neighbourhood with the latest Precure theme blaring out of tinny speakers.

“Yahoo! Kanbaru-sensei!”

It was clearly the middle Araragi sister on the line. Or the older one? I’ll have to check with Senjougahara-senpai on that later.

“Karen, how are you? Is there anything you need me for?” I asked, half-hoping the answer was in some way sapphic. Or basketball related. Maybe even sapphic basketball related. What a sport that would be, I’d sign up in a heartbeat...

“Oh, not much, it’s just there’s some rumours going around about a strange woman verbally assaulting people while standing on top of post boxes and Tsukihi isn’t here to help.”

Sounds like some normalcy is returning to this town. Although maybe normal isn’t a good word to use for a place like this.

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Where is your little sister anyway?”

“Probably off with her girlfriend again… Honestly she’s barely been arou...”

“Girlfriend?” I interjected. I can’t say I’m displeased with how gay my wider social circle keeps proving to be but to think someone had actually found someone. I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or jealous. Or perhaps I felt jealous but wanted to be happy. That would seem more like the Suruga way.

“Well, you’d think they were dating from how much time they’ve been spending together. Occasionally she’ll pull the whole Rosokuzawa-kun thing but I think sooner or later she’s just going to admit that that guy doesn’t really exist.”

“Ah, honestly with a name like that I’d be shocked if he did exist, let alone had managed to get a date with a bird like her. Who is this lucky lady your sister is off with anyway?”

“Err… I think her name is Sengoku, quiet girl.”

“Sengoku Nadeko? I’ve met her. Isn’t she the cutest?”

“I wont say that she isn’t but I wouldn’t say that to her face. I called her new haircut cute the other day and she gave me a scowl like she was going to bite my arm off. Fortunately I am trained in the ways of Ka-Ra-Te so I doubt she would pose much threat to me.”

I could swear I heard the sound of crockery breaking as she accented each syllable of ‘karate’.

“I can definitely see her winding up with your sister though. She was pulling this whole ‘Koyomi-oniichan’ shtick for a while but I think she was putting on an act to delude herself.”

I wasn’t sure if she was fooling anyone else, but I’m probably an outlier so my perspective may be distorted.

“Regardless”, I continued, “I wouldn’t be shocked to learn she was really just trying to get close to your sister. When I met her she was giving off some of the strongest closet vibes I’ve ever seen. Guess at some point someone just stepped in and opened it.”

I couldn’t help but wonder what they found inside. Probably some 80s shoujo manga and a signed picture of the guy who plays Thor.

“Yeah, like meeting you was a big ‘I’m bi’ moment for me, Kanbaru-sensei”, the athletic Araragi responded.

I wish that she’d follow through on that and ask me on a date. Actually, maybe she was waiting for me to follow through. My god, I am such a disaster.

“Yeah...” I awkwardly spluttered. This wasn’t going so well. “if you haven’t got much on today then...”

“Of course I have something on today” she interrupted me before I could finish. “There’s still this issue of this violent lava dodger!”

“Lava dodger?” I enquired

“This woman who’s playing the floor is made of lava all the time!” I guess I should’ve expected such a response from her.

“Has she actually attacked anyone or is she just someone who needs help? I don’t really feel like getting caught up in this, and in fact I think Araragi-senpai told me to avoid a woman jus...”

“Pfft...” she cut over me again. “What does Niichan know? Just because this woman could hand it to him in combat doesn’t mean she’d hold a candle to me!”

I made the fatal mistake of bringing her older brother into this. That was sure to just get her more eager to go. Her assumption that this woman had beaten the shit out of him was also worrying. What has that boy been up to in life? Or maybe I should ask what has his little sister has been up to? Or god forbid both of them.

“Aren’t your parents both in the fuzz? Wouldn’t it upset them if their daughter became a violent vigilante? Could it be bad for their jobs?” I tried to think of something to put her off whatever foolish mission she had set herself.

“I guess you’re right...” she responded, much to my surprise. “Since Tsukihi has been off without me so much lately it might be time for the Fire Sisters to go on hiatus. A Fire-atus.”

I laughed at her pun but also felt relieved. Where were we anyway? Oh, right…

“But yeah, if you’re free today, would you want to meet up? Maybe head to the cinema or shoot some hoops? Since my arm healed I’ve really been getting back on my basketball game.”

“That sounds like it could be fun, Kanbaru-sens...”

I cut her off.

“Please, call me Suruga… I’d… I… I get why your older brother gets annoyed when I call him Araragi-senpai now… I think…” Actually I don’t think I did.

“Sure thing, Suruga-sensei...” I don’t think she fully got my point, “you can call me Karen-oneesama then as well!”

“Oneesama…? You’re 2 years younger than me?”

“That’s why it’s fun!”

“Fun?” I guess I couldn’t deny there was an amusing aspect…

“Oh don’t take me so seriously. You’re almost as much fun to tease as Niichan is. Just call me Karen-chan, or just Karen. Karen is fine too.”

“Okay, but only if you drop the -sensei when you call me Suruga. Otherwise I’ll have to start calling you Koyomi.”

“Okay… That sounds like a fair deal!” she proclaimed in her usual excited tone. 

I may be an athlete in my prime but god only knows where she gets this much energy from. Or I guess possibly my aunt knows. Regardless, I hope she doesn’t burn herself out someday. If anything maybe I’m not an athlete in my prime. Maybe I was burned out. I hadn’t played with the team in nearly a year…

Steering away from those depressing thoughts, I went back to our previous conversation.

“So, Karen… What would you like to do today? I heard some good things about this new anime that’s showing at the cinema this week. Maybe we could check that out?”

“Hmm… Going to see anime sounds like something Niichan would do, but in turn it sounds like something Niichan would do, so I’m game! Just so long as I can get one of those really big cups of cola.”

Seeing how much energy she had usually I felt somewhat worried as to what she would be like after 2 litres of cola? Maybe I could sneakily get her a caffeine free diet cola while she wasn’t looking? Or would that be a breach of trust? I wasn’t sure. Actually I really wasn’t sure what this was. Was this a date or was I just going to a film with my friend?

And what was that about her big brother? Was she viewing me like an older sister? Like a substitute for Araragi-senpai? Or was it something more worrying…

Actually, I realised that I don’t even know how Karen really feels about me at all. She said meeting me had made her realise she was bi, but how? I took it as meaning that she fancied me, but could it just’ve been that meeting a cool older lesbian had pushed her over the ledge of self acceptance?

Really though neither of those explanations make much sense. I’m not cool, I’m a total washout who can’t keep her room tidy. If anything meeting me probably made her realise that she also liked boys as well as girls.

“Suruga?” Karen’s voice came back on the phone. “Are you still there? What time do you want to meet up?” I had completely spaced out.

“Uhh… I guess whenever you can get over there… Even if it’s not showing for a while we can just hang out?”

“Oh! Yeah, there’s a Mister Donuts near the cinema. We could go there. Although the last time I was there a little blonde girl appeared and stole my doughnut and they wouldn’t give me a refund.”

I realised she was probably talking about the vampire girl, presumably Karen had gone with Araragi-senpai while he was in town.

“Anyway Suruga, maybe we could just hang out for a bit anyway. What should I wear by the way? I’m kinda naked right now and Niichan told me about how I should always get dressed before I leave the house.”

This girl was a bigger exhibitionist than I was.

“Really whatever’s comfortable for you… It’s not like this is a formal dinner date or something.”

I used the d-word. It slipped out before I could catch it.

“Hmm… We could make it one though.” I was shook… “Yeah, going on a date with Suruga-sensei, that sounds like fun!”

“Fun, Koyomi?”

“Yes indeed it does, Hitagi.”

That… She surely couldn’t’ve known. I took the hit regardless and tried to pick my words wisely.

“If I’m Hitagi and you’re Koyomi then shouldn’t we be at university? We’re going there as a couple, aren’t we?”

“Hmm… I guess we are. Gotta study that… Actually what even is Niichan studying right now? I never thought to ask him.”

“Maths, probably? I think that’s the subject which always carried his grades.”

“Sounds about right… Only one problem though… However much a formal dinner date sounds lovely, I’m broke right now. Spent all my money on Bruce Lee posters.”

Of course she did. Hang on, did Bruce Lee even do karate? I thought he did kung-fu. Maybe Karen just has an appreciation for all martial arts.

“Hmm… Well, if you want to go out for a meal I have some cash to spare. I haven’t spent much on books lately. Don’t worry about what to wear though, just wear whatever’s comfortable.”

“Okay, sounds good...” she trailed off… “By the way… Is this… Is this gonna be a serious date or just a girl’s having fun date…?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer.

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Last time I got the opportunity to kiss a girl I turned her down and regretted it afterwards. But if that’s where you want thi...”

“Do you wanna just come over here and hang out in my room? I got Niichan’s old room when he left for uni… We could maybe watch a movie there and have some more private girl time…?”

I can never quite catch Karen’s drift, but I think she could tell that I’d just bought up some baggage. Or maybe she just wanted to take things quick. 

I… Kinda hoped it was the former. I have baggage. With Senjougahara-senpai. With Numachi. With Araragi-senpai and my mother and the basketball team. I realised how long we’d been chatting on the phone and hoped Karen might have an ear for those things. I hoped.

But I also hoped that I’d just gotten a girlfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this, if you have any feedback to give please feel free, this kinda just came about while I was feeling ill and pretty out of it so I don't really know if it's particularly coherent or anything.


End file.
